Ano? Pasukan na ulit?

First day of classes is nine effin days from now. Ambilis pala! Oh well. Ang sabi nila, masarap magbakasyon. Kasi it made you miss the smell of school a lot that you cannot wait to go back and flip those books. Yun ang sabi nila. Ang sabi ko naman, masarap magbakasyon dahil masarap na walang ginagawa habang finu-fulfill ko ang isang role ng patabain sa bahay ng aking mga magulang (minus yung araw-araw nilang pagse-sermon gawa nga ng aking katamaran, yun lang ang ayaw ko). Masarap magbakasyon dahil wala kang iniisip na problema. Ang problema mo ay kung ano ang puedeng problemahin. Mas masarap ang buhay ng gigising ka nalang ng tanghaling tapat, ang pagkain ay nasa harapan mo na at kulang na lang ay subuan ka pa ng nanay mo na parang hari, manonood ng paborito mong palabas na may tse-tseryang hawak-hawak, mangga-gago ng kapatid, at mag-je-jebs. Napaka-ideal. Pero siyempre, ayoko naman ng araw-araw, pabalik-balik ako sa mga gawaing maituturing na walang kuwenta at patutunguhan. Gusto ko din naman pumasok. at mag-aral. at mag-basa ng tone-toneladang librong pang-Medisina. Kahit labag siya sa aking kalooban, kailangan naman kasing mag-aral talaga at maging isang propesyonal na magiging daan upang kumita ng datung pang-Europe tour na matagal ko ng inaasam.

Ang gusto ko lang naman iparating sa blog na ito ay ito: Ang bilis lang ng panahon. Sinisimulan ko pa lang ang bakasyon ko, pasukan na ulit. homaygad! Sana may pause button na puedeng pindutin anytime para masulit ko ang pagtulog ng labindalawang oras araw-araw.

Thoughts on RH Bill

The RH bill has had a tough go of it lately. It had stirred heated debates lately and I have been hearing it's rise and fall since time immemorial. I was not into it to begin with because I thought the answer is too obvious. Poverty results from overpopulation. So the government just needs to curb the ballooning population by introducing family planning. But watching the debate yesterday in GMA tells me how little I know on the nitty-gritty of the issue.

I do not support the use of contraception grounded simply on the basis of my religion's teachings and principles. Being Muslim at birth, the usage of artificial form of contraception is something that we do not really tolerate. When I marry, I will resort as much as possible to natural method; will probably raise 2 or 3 kids because my mind couldn't afford to raise and discipline kids more than my preferred number. This is my personal choice.

But just because I rally against contraception does not mean I dismiss the whole idea of RH bill. It is so hypocrite of me to trash RH bill just because I opt to be on the side of fundamentalists. If people respect me of my decision of being anti-contraception and resort instead to the natural way things work, I don't see the point of not respecting or worse, not giving others their free will. For me, RH bill is an opportunity people with different views and beliefs and individuals in the far-flung areas can have a full access of. I support RH bill because others might be fighting for it and probably, it's their only way of redemption. I support RH bill because I don't want to curtail others' freedom of choice. Lea Salonga best puts it in her statement during an interview "You don't need to be pro-contraception to be pro-RH."

I also believe that we shouldn't reduce the whole bill into just the issue of contraception. The provisions of the bill, in fact, capitalizes more on uplifting women's reproductive health. I have to admit that the provisions swayed me at some point because I came to realize that the bill is not simply what others might think of as providing the mass contraceptives so everyone including the teenagers, could have an access to. There is a whole lot more to the bill. It does not guarantee to be a panacea to poverty but it sure provides avenues for more sustainable health programs that could benefit women, men and children alike.

RH bill has trekked a rocky road - the church and even some members of the academe and the government kept on questioning its possible implementation along the way. I understand this because there is always downside to everything. But is it worth pursuing? I believe it's worth a try. During tough times like these, we need to seek every possible solution to the problem.

In China, a family is restricted to raise more than 2 children. This bill on the other hand, lenient as it is, just provides you an option. This bill does not sanction you for bearing a dozen of children. It only conveys the message that if you cannot stand the problem associated with your present condition, then you can choose RH bill to help you out, but if you choose not, then at least be responsible of your own future actions.

We might as well stop seeing the bill as some madmen disseminating condoms in the street for public consumption. That is just not fair.

Rebound Excessive Internet Usage

3:23 am.

Zombie mode. Not studying. Surfing. Exam day on Monday. I am not even halfway through.

Room 209, Anglo Residences.

Bed.

My clock is ticking. 3:23 in the morning and my eyes are still fixated on my laptop, leaving behind my acads and surfing the internet instead. Studied at around 9:30. Done at 1. Promised myself to sleep but no, I just can't resist the temptation. But I am not guilty because this is how I overcome my stress. It's my outlet in really trying to cope up.

I remember most of my classmates avoid the overusage of internet during exam week. There were those who really blocked their FB accounts not until the end of the hell week. There were even those who didn't dare opening their laptops. For some, this is quite martyrdom, I call it "internet fasting". The truth is it's never new to me. In fact, for almost a year, I intentionally cut my internet line just to focus on my acads. But because I felt isolated, I searched for friends and hell yeah, I tried my best to have my internet back. But the drawback is that I can't get rid of what the internet can offer. Of course, I use it most importantly for downloading important school files but I'm just wasting a lot of time just by watching youtube vids alone. I call this "Rebound Excessive Internet Usage" because when you are in a period where you are repressed of doing so many things, you'll end up doing and even becoming dependent to a certain action to that you're not used to do in the first place. That's just weird but pharmacology doesn't just speak exclusively. :)

Uncertainty

I want to write for real. I hate and blame med school for crippling a huge part of me. Of course, I dance but it was something I had given up long time ago. When you set aside something because you don’t need it for a moment, it will continue chasing you. One of many life’s ironies. Just few minutes ago I checked out my friends blogs who had them maintained almost every day. Oh how I envy them. Of course I enjoyed reading their entries but I am dying with envy. I want to write well but I am just too limited. I want to express what my heart is telling me but there were no appropriate words to put them together. My thoughts are all over the place. I haven’t improved for the longest time in fact, I was going backward in a time warp called Med school that had succeeded in tricking me. Debate has played a huge role during my later days in college. As I was starting to love debate, my Medical career started entering the picture so I had to give it up for real. Giving up what you love for something larger than life, I had once thought, but you will end up empty-handed. And then you are tricked again. Right now, I feel that much of my life was taken from me. I feel no spark nor magic anymore. I fell down from almost a super star to just plain ordinary. I feel useless.

I always had an attempt to write something. Just anything. But when my fingers find their respective places on the key boards, all I see is a blank document. There was not even an iota of idea that prompts me to get started. Only blank document and an empty brain. Then I ended up closing my computer crushed and defeated because I know there is something in me untold. So many stories to tell, but again I am just too limited. And empty. And confused.

My life in med school isn’t good (I would love to use it sucks, but I don’t want to be too hard). Aside from it curtails me from doing what I want, I feel so uncertain. Do I love med school? I did. But right now I am unsure. Do I want to continue med school? I will. I might not be sure but I will let where the current takes me; and hopefully, it will take me to my niche and my purpose in life. Sometimes, it takes forever to wait to know ones purpose. But I am willing to wait. And oh, optimism is what is left of me.

My life right now, like this blog, points to no direction. I don’t really know how to end this. But let me just leave it this way, just like what my life is right now – hanging.

Anxious

I am in need of something that would put this weeping heart to silence. This feeling of uncertainty is bogging me inside for the nth time. Death!

Highschool Loves

I love everything about this night. I met up with high school friends whom I hoped seeing. We went to Seaside, MOA where we had our dinner c/o Bedz and headed to Musicbank and spent the rest of our night singing at the top of our lungs. It was really a memorable night for everyone especially to us based here in Manila who had been struggling for quite some time trying to blend in. But hell yeah, we found each other back again and that is something worth celebrating.

Bottomline: this is something to be blogged about since I promised myself not to scribble my thoughts if it wasn't fun and happy. I also felt that even for few hours, I became myself again. I felt my lost self after being surrounded by old faces whom I missed a lot. Those old antics and everything worth remembering about high school were given life. Now that I'm in Med school where crying everyday is not a new story anymore and losing someone's identity is a possible tendency, I realized that I should need more time to enjoy my life and surround myself with people that I actually belong to.

Wonderful evening! :)

Motivation-less

I love writing my thoughts. I don't think I'm good at it but the thing is, I love expressing myself through words and phrases. I always felt the urge to write every time, every single day of my life, but lately, I felt so empty, running out of words, of thoughts.

I honestly felt that I am being monotonous. I don't want to write what I wrote already just because I am feeling the same thing. So I got rather tired and empty. I don't wanna talk about being sad because it wasn't healthy anymore. So apparently, there is no motivation that's pushing me to the top. Just an empty glass waiting to be filled up by an eagerness in life. And apparently, I don't want to whine anymore because it serves me no purpose at all.

Bye for now. I just hope that my motivation is lurking at the corner. I have BIG dreams and I don't want them to be shattered. Thinking of a random motivation is easy. But you know, it is always easier said than done. To engrave it on your heart and start pushing yourself in your journey to success is rather a difficult thing to do. I just wait for the time to feel it. And yes, I am not giving up because I know it will be worth the wait. :)