prayer

my prayer for today:

God, please give me strength, just enough to make me stand. I'm tired of being weak. Please let me fight a good fight in the end without giving up.

Prozac Nation

2:06 AM. insomniac. anhedonic. depressed. Five years ago, I self-diagnosed myself with Major Clinical Depression secondary to some personality problem. I maybe am suffering from another condition called hypochondriasis. Well who cares? When I entered med school and got tangled up with the world of psychiatry (which is a subject that I hate anyway), I am becoming more reassured of everything that had transpired in my life. I believe that I need to seek medical consult, not groping my phone to call some friend and cross my fingers everything will subside after a conversation. By medical help I mean PSYCHIATRIC assistance where I could possibly understand all the imbalances of my hormones and neurotransmitters and be prescribed with a drug that could stabilize my thoughts. What prompts me to scribble my thoughts right now really is getting across a person named Elizabeth Wurtzel. Her quotes were just fitting for my condition. It perfectly explains why I am fucked up all these years. She was so inspiring. anyway, it's too late and my battery is dying. Will head up to bookstores tomorrow to search for a book called Prozac Nation, a book where she puts her heart while experiencing all those mind bugs. Good mornight.